I Look After A… Parent

Some young people look after one or both of their parents. It can feel good to help them, but there might be things that worry you or stress you out as well.

If the caring that you do affects your school work or causes you problems, your family might be able to get help so that you don’t have to do as much. A Young Carers Project will help if there is one near you. You could ask a social worker to help you decide what help you need by giving you an assessment. You can find out more about the illness or problem that your parent has by looking through this section.

If your parent has an illness, disability or drug/ alcohol problem, you might find that you are doing more to help with housework or looking after brothers or sisters. You might even help your parent with washing, dressing or going to the toilet. Children and young people who help look after someone with an illness or a disability are often called ‘young carers’. Looking after your parent shouldn’t be left for you to do.

If you have to do things to help you are not ok with, your social worker needs to know – they might be able to find a helper who can do these things instead. Things changing can give you lots of different feelings.

 

 

Case Study – Honey’s Story

“My parents divorced when I was 5yrs old and then my uncle died suddenly.

This was when my mum was diagnosed with Lupus.

She started drinking heavily and made friends with a woman who had 5 children, who also was an alcoholic.

I had to clean and tidy the house, do all the shopping and pay the bills.

I helped my mum when she was very drunk and could not look after herself.”

 

 

 

 

Case Study – Kesha’s Story

“I only found out that my dad had depression when I was 12, but apparently he’s had it since before I was born.

Even though I don’t do much in the practical sense of caring, I do worry about him a lot and have had to give my mum a lot of emotional support.

When she’s away, I make sure that he takes his medication and I cook for him, since he often forgets to eat.

I still love him though, even though it’s not always easy.”

 

I Look After A Brother Or Sister

I look After A… Brother or Sister

Lots of young people help their parents to look after younger brothers or sisters by helping out at mealtimes or bath times or by playing with them. But if your brother or sister has a serious illness or a disability, you might find that you have to:

• Stay in the house to keep an eye on them a lot because they damage things or might hurt themselves if they are left on their own.
• Help give your brother or sister medicines or help feed them, wash them or lift them in or out of a wheelchair.
• Look after yourself a lot because your disabled brother or sister needs a lot of attention from your parents.
• Look after your parents when they are stressed out by looking after your brother/ sister.

Sometimes it can feel good to help a brother or sister that you love, but sometimes it can feel too much too cope with. You might feel angry with your brother/sister or with your parents. Your brother or sister might damage your things or argue a lot. You might be given a hardtime from people at school because they see your brother or sister as “different” or “weird” and that can hurt a lot.

They get all the attention

Even if your parents are really struggling with all the work they have to do looking after your brother/ sister, it’s okay for you to want some time that’s just about you!

Here are some things you could do to feel better:

• Try telling your parents how you feel –they may be so wrapped up in looking after your brother/ sister that they haven’t noticed that there has been no time for you recently. If it’s hard to talk to them, you could practice what you want to say by writing it in a diary, a poem, or a letter, by emailing us.
• If you have a Young Carers Project near you, they might have clubs and days out where you can meet other young people your age who are going through the same thing. Young Carers Projects also have workers who will spend time listening to you and who can understand how you are feeling. Some areas have groups that are just for the brothers and sisters of children who have disabilities.
• If your brother/ sister gets help from a social worker or support worker, why not tell them that you are having to do more than you feel comfortable with doing.
• It might help if your school knows what you are going through so that they can help you when you can’t get homework in on time instead of giving you a hard time.
• Is there someone else you can talk to?

I get angry with them!

If your brother/ sister has a disability, it is normal to get angry with them sometimes. You might be angry because:

• People call you names because they know your brother/ sister is disabled or ill. You might find your brother/ sister embarrassing sometimes.
• You don’t get to spend any time with your parents because they are always looking after your brother/ sister. You miss out on things that other people your age take for granted.
• Remember – everyone gets angry with their brothers and sisters sometimes!

It is okay to:

Talk to people about how you feel. Try telling your parents – they may be so wrapped up in looking after your brother/ sister that they haven’t noticed that there has been no time for you recently. If it’s hard to talk to them, you could practice what you want to say by writing it in a diary, a poem, or a letter, by emailing us.

Have some time to yourself. Can you join a club or have a night of the week where you go out with friends? If you have a Young Carers Project near you, they might have clubs and days out where you can meet other young people your age who are going through the same thing.

Find something that makes you feel better when you are angry.

It’s not okay to:

• Miss out on school or the things you want to do because your brother or sister gets all the attention.
• Blame yourself. You’re only human – there will be times when looking after your brother/ sister makes you angry, stressed or sad. The important thing is to talk to someone when this happens.
• Hurt other people – this will get you into trouble and make you feel worse, or hurt yourself.

Case Study – Joshi’s Story

“Hi, my name is Joshi, I am 14 and I live with my mum, sister and brother.

My dad passed away when I was 11. I actually have 2 sisters but one of them is in residential.

I find my life really hard as I am now the man of the house even though I am the youngest.

My GCSE year 10 is really hard cause I keep thinking of my brother and my 2 sister’s safety and that they are okay.

The fact that my dad passed away I find my life really tough on me now.”

EMAIL: youngcarers@harrowcarers.org

Tel: 020 8868 5224